Each Thursday, our copy of ‘The Tough Guide to Fantasyland’ in hand, we shall tour the mystical countryside looking for adventure and fun (and tropes) from all over fantasy.
This week’s topic is DARK LADIES
DARK LADY. There is never one of these – so see DARK LORD instead.
As I said last week, I know we can prove Jones wrong on this one. Let’s get right on it.
The Lady –The Black Company by Glen Cook – Yes she shows up every other week on one of these lists but damn it you don’t change a horse midstream. The Lady is a magic wielding, minion controlling, enigma of a woman and you better believe she is firmly at the top. Is she actually Dark though? As in Evil? Well, she has the entire land submerged in a fairly endless war and anyone who unleashes Limper on a population can’t be considered good. So yes, we count it and quite unapologetically add The Lady to the list for, I dunno, the fifth or sixth time.
Orlana the Changer –The White Wolves by Andy Remic – Other Dark Ladies WISH they could be Orlana. She has summoned a hoard of mud orcs, can combine creatures into blasphemous monstrosities capable of spreading terror and death. To oppose her is death but even standing with her is not the best career path; her spliced monsters live in constant pain, her ‘husband’ didn’t get much choice in the matter, and god help anyone she sees no use for.
Over the top may be the best way to describe the book she resides in, and graphic as hell. But it was pretty entertaining; I really should read The White Tower this year and see where it goes from there.
Lilith Weatherwax – Witches Abroad by Terry Pratchett – A fairy godmother is a wonderful thing to have. She can make all you dreams come true. Remember some of your dreams? Want ALL of them to come true? Playing with stories is easy after all, they want to finish themselves and often need only a nudge in the right direction. What kind of nudge? Well say that jolly toy maker actually wants to make toys and not entertain children with funny tales at all hours of the day
Some things just are not acceptable, even the good fairy godmother has limits to her patience. Everything will be just fine as long as you let her make it so. Now smile, you never know who may be watching.
Shepherdess – Eli Monpress by Rachael Aaron – All she wants is to be loved, you know? Sure she is supposed to be guarding the world or some such thing but it is much more fun to pick a few favorites and let them show how much they love you. Eli appreciates her love so much that he runs like hell in the opposite direction in an attempt to get away. Calling in that favor with her is the toughest thing he will ever have to do. Doesn’t seem too bad though; all it will cost him is…everything.
The Queen – Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs – So honestly, does anyone know if the evil queen actually has a name in this movie? All seven fucking dwarves have a name and they are as interchangeable as a part on Ford’s line. But the queen, arguably the main character if you count sceen time, does not appear to have a name. Please correct me if I am wrong.
But oh ya, she is evil. Wants to be the most beautiful and hires someone to take Snow White’s heart right out of her chest to keep the position. DARK.
Join us next week as we check out DESERT NOMADS
DESERT NOMADS occupy the hot parts to the south, which is either desert or rather parched grass. For some reason this is ideal terrain for breeding horses, of which nomad clans have in large numbers.
As always thanks for joining, feel free to join along at any time, and please check out my fellow travelers!